But the other reader told me…

Warning, rant alert!

Some time back I have read a similar post and all of a sudden these headshaking memories came bubbling up. I thought to write it out before it gets stuck, haha…

Everyone gets some of these querents, I guess. They come in, (your shop or your mailbox, doesn’t matter) and they seem normal. You say hi and inquire how you could help. And then dread what is coming, because s/he could be any one of these:

– So, I don’t really believe in this and you are just probably making it up, telling some general stuff that is true for everyone. Can I have a free reading so that I know you are not a charlatan?

– Yeah why not, I love wasting my time on freeloaders! You know what, I’ll drop you home and maw your lawn too if I’m already at it! 

I probably don’t have to tell you, but, drumbeat and funfare: you don’t have to prove anything to anyone; definitely not to some random stranger. You know it works and you also know they are only trying to trick you into giving your services for free. Don’t fall for them, and tell that you are happy to prove yourself for your regular fee. The end.


– I have seen your fees on your website, but can I have a reading for free? I will pay for the next one, promise!

– Does your dentist give you a free filling? Or your local shopkeeper a free basket of food? Does a lawyer sign anything for free? I didn’t think so.

These people are going from one fortune teller to the other, and are trying this everywhere. Don’t even start to have hopes for a return customer: there will never be a next time, ever. They just hop to the next reader, hoping to get another reading free of cost. What does Lord Bolton use to drain his blood? Oh I know! Leeches! *grunt*


– Does he love me?

– Ten of Swords. No.

– This is why I have paid £XX???

Yes/No questions are silly; it makes me feel bad that for so much money querent could have had a truckload of information, but they insisted on a simple answer… This is why I don’t do them. Okay, I do them for myself. Lol. But these good peoples have to pay. I don’t.


– Is he the one? Tell me he is!

– Well, he is the reversed Hierophant and for your relationship the reversed Lovers came out… I don’t think so.

– Yeah he is treating me like sh*t and beating my kids but I love him and can’t live without him and I think he is the one after all.

– But for his intentions the Devil came out!!

– Lalala I’m not listening!!

Why? Why do they come and pay money if they do not want to listen? If they have already decided what they want to hear and will think they have heard it no matter what? And if they don’t, it means I’m a quack. Wake up, man, how did he make you so weak that you can’t even see what is going on?


– But the other readers told me he is the one.

– Well, according to my cards he is not. 

– But my clairvoyant/psychic whatever told me that the angels told her that the unicorns have seen it in their morning’s piss! He has to be the one!

If they have some spine in them they usually come back after some time to tell me I was right. If I could just find these “psychic clairvoyant” lickspittles I would tell them what I think of their unicorn piss.

(Email reading: 10 minutes after telling querent how to resolve her problems with her hubby)

– Oh but we have fought again! This is not working!!! Help me!!! Or I want my money back!

I mean… Do they really expect that their problems will somehow magically disappear just because they have asked a tarot reader how to resolve them? You have to work on it, man! 


– I want a general reading.

What the hell is a general reading? In general about their life? Health, family, money, work… What the hell should I concentrate on? Such a waste of a reading. A general reading will be most likely that: general. I will tell some generalisations and then if by chance the cards pick up on something I will have no clue how to interpret it. Yeah. Make up your mind what you want to know about!


– When is he coming back, because  I know he is the one!

– Let me guess: unicorn piss?

– How did you know?

– I might be a clairvoyant myself… #wastedsarcasm

– Oh great! So when is he coming back?

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