I have found myself sinking deeper and deeper in the murky waters of self pity. I have the flu, the whole family has been infected by me, and I failed a test I know I should have been able to pass with ease. So as it is my custom, when I realize I’m doing it again – feeling sorry for myself beyond boundaries – I take out my cards and let them kick my ass back on track. This time I plan to share the process with you, just in case you’d ever find yourself in a similar situation.
The spread I use:
1 What has triggered this self pity? (This is the reason I tell myself) – Knave of Pentacles
2 Why has it upset me so much? (This is the actual reason) – King of Swords
3 So what can I do about it? – Devil
4 How could I kick my ass back on track? (for those with a taste for more gentle words: What can help me to heal?) – 5 of Cups
1 I have been working on this course hard. Taking out time for it each week and doing the homework, studying, reading, researching… It has been tiring. I was a good apprentice and all the hard work should have paid off. I feel like the whole thing was a waste of time.
2 Failing has upset me so much because if I honestly think about it I know that it is my own fault. I haven’t given the test my 100%, and so I failed. I should have been more careful what I write, how I write it and especially when I write it. Both my sons wanted attention and were jumping on my head. I was frustrated and just wanted to finish the thing as quickly as possible. Well, here’s my reward for it.
3 No one likes to listen to others’ whining, so what can I do about it? Apparently not much, as there is no option to retake the test. This is a bit unfair, but oh well. In Hungary we have a saying: let the Devil take it. It means not to care so much, and that is what I’m going to do. Or at least try, lol. Free myself from the bondage of failure…
4 As to what could kick my ass back on track? Not to cry over spilled milk and concentrate on all the positive feedback I have received in connection with my work. This is only one test, and can’t take away all the great comments and experiences that working with the thing that has been tested has given me. So, just forget about it and think about the good stuff. Yeah.
Huhh I feel better already. I think I will take the boys to the playground before the sun goes down…